JOSH MADAY
eye, heart, politics / in small ways i will entertain you
EYE, HEART, POLITICS
Maxwell shit the bed today. It was Election Day. He decided before he even pulled back the covers that he would use his shit to sculpt a life-size replica of his favorite politician, right there in the middle of his bed. But then Maxwell thought that was kind of cliché and sentimental, so he just lay in his feces until it got cold.
In Small Ways I Will Entertain You
I will pick up after the dog and then prepare a gourmet meal without washing my hands.
I will hook a battery to my scrotum and shock myself every time I realize I have not been thinking of you.
I will keep my penis in an out-of-the-way place that will satisfy you.
I will finish quickly with the sexual pit stops.
I will put gas in the gas tank of your car rather than inside your car whenever you say, “Put gas in my car.”
I will buy name brand consumer goods according to commercials and advertisements I see and then give them to you.
I will take your hand, hold it, and then return it to you in the same or better condition than when I took it.
I will stop saying what I was going to say when you interrupt me.
I will stop trying to interject my words into the conversation when you would rather uphold the whole thing yourself.
I will listen when you get up in the middle of the night to pee.
I will sneak into bed when I come home late smelling of smoke and alcohol.
I will repeat words until they do not mean anything anymore, until they sound like something else, until they become the strangest thing in the world and could not possibly be real, until you tell me to shut up.
I will always always always always always always always always always always always alw
I will say and do strange, random things so you can roll your eyes or squint or furrow your brows or shake your head and ask what is wrong with me.
I will start my sentences with “Baby . . .” when I am in trouble and then joke about it with my friends at the bar, which is where I learned it.
I will wait too long to start getting ready when we are going somewhere you want to go but I don’t.
I will make us late, again.
I will say “Uh huh. Oh yeah? Really? Wow. No kidding” to make you think I am listening when in fact I am not.
I will be here for you, or I might be there or somewhere else; wherever I am it will be for you.
I will make lists of my plans for the next four thousand years so that you will know in advance and can be prepared for what I intend to do.
I will get around to doing nothing on those lists.
I will stop telling you what I will do.
I will intend to do something nice for you to show you that I care about you and am always thinking of you.
I will think of a project on my own without you telling me and start it, but probably leave it half-finished when I get bored or tired or run out of daylight.
I will pick my nose discretely and wipe my findings in an inconspicuous place while you are not looking.
I will forego a tissue and farmer shoot the bathroom walls with chunky, spotted mucus, knowing you will find it later.
I will let you take the lead and get things started the way you want them done because that is the only time things will go as you believe they should.
I will let you win even when I am pretending to win because you are already winning.
I will pretend to not care so it is more meaningful when I show you that I care.
I will cultivate these low and mediocre times so that the good times are great.
