JUSTIN DOBBS
The hamster was very angry. His mother served him tea.
"I am going to murder people," said the hamster.
The hamster's mother sat down and squeezed the hamster's cheeks. "You're sweet," she said.
"I'm serious," said the hamster. "I'm really fucking pissed."
After this the hamster went upstairs and looked at the ground outside his window. The hamster opened the window, felt the breeze blow back his whiskers, tickling him slightly, and stepped on the sill. The hamster imagined shooting people from the window. People, falling down, wouldn't look too real.
On an impulse, the hamster jumped out the window hoping to fly a little. Instead, the hamster, after floating for maybe a millisecond, actually just dropped into a rose bush. Cut and bruised, the hamster lay still in the bush trying to think. A woman passed the bush. She met a man. The man mumbled something charming to the woman. The hamster thought, "I'm going to murder both of you."
The hamster cut off stems from the rose bush and stabbed them into the man's ankles.
"What the fuck?" said the man.
"Don't worry," said the woman. "It's just a fucking hamster."
After this she picked up the hamster. "Fuck you," thought the hamster. "Put me down right away!"
The hamster was really angry now. Soon, there would be a hamster killing rampage.
